In this loose sequel to "Ninety North, Zero West," Roger (upset that no one in the family will pay attention to him) befriends Snot (who's upset over not celebrating Christmas because of his religion) and converts to Judaism, then finds the corpse of Santa Claus and becomes Schmanta, a Santa Claus with the power to make Hanukkah more popular than Christmas.

Francine becomes hooked on conspiracy theories after discovering that her favorite morning show, Morning Mimosa, is an elaborate CIA ploy conducted by Stan to keep her docile and ignorant of the real world. Meanwhile, Steve and Klaus help Snot and his mom move into an upper-class neighborhood after Snot's mom's boyfriend invites them over, but things get complicated when Snot's mother falls for Klaus.

After Stan is chosen to be an enumerator for the Census, he ends up competing with Hayley over who can count the most residents...and gets abducted by a serial killer. Meanwhile, Klaus becomes a photographer after finding his uncle's old camera and chooses Steve's friend, Barry, to be his star model.

Steve and Roger stumble upon a secret society of rare bird egg hoarders. Meanwhile, Francine shakes up dinner when she buys a zesty Italian spaghetti sauce that turns the family into Italian-American immigrants.

Stan tries to renovate Langley Falls' historical mural, but when he does an amateur job on it, he lets his daughter, Hayley, take the blame for ruining it. Meanwhile, in a loose parody of Whiplash, Steve enrolls in a prestigious clown college with Roger as his tough-love instructor who pushes him to his limit.

When Hayley (who has a job as a sandwich delivery girl) notices the bad working conditions at the CIA, she tries to motivate everyone to go on strike. Meanwhile, Steve, Roger, Klaus, and Francine watch the entire series of Breaking Bad backwards and find themselves on a treasure hunt set up by Breaking Bad creator, Vince Gilligan.

Klaus sets up a video website, chronicling the epic fails of the Smith family. Meanwhile, Stan once again has to come to terms with his dysfunctional childhood when he discovers a secret about his time at a Harlem Globetrotters-themed summer camp.

Francine's dinner party turns into a murder mystery when news hits of a man who kills people during dinner parties and a stranger dressed as a game hunter invites himself in.

In need of an outlet for his boring stories, Stan takes over as teacher for a fresh-faced batch of CIA operatives and teaches them all the stories he's wasted on his family. Meanwhile, Klaus becomes a hip-hop hype man after local rapper Juicy Lou (voiced by Xzibit) notices his talent during a street battle.

When the mayor of Langley Falls rejects Stan's suggestion for a bullet train, Stan runs for mayor himself...and Roger ends up making Stan his political puppet when Stan wins and has no idea how to run the town.

Francine orders Stan to give Steve the sex talk, but Stan (who, despite being able to give Steve the sex talk in "A Smith in the Hand", is too afraid to do it in this episode because of his father traumatizing him as a child) decides to put him in a teen abstinence program where teenage girls pledge their virginity to their fathers. Meanwhile, Klaus, Jeff, Roger, and Hayley decide to build a water slide for the backyard pool after having fun at a real water slide near the lake, but when a guy named Kyle tries it out and ends up killed, the four must cover up the crime before Detective Turlington solves the case.

When Steve introduces Roger to the original Macintosh version of the computer game The Oregon Trail, Roger freaks out over the fact that he will outlive the Smith family. After a stint as a motorcycle-riding rebel, Roger returns home and bribes Dr. Weitzman into drugging the family and uploads their consciousness on to Steve's refurbished Macintosh so they'll be with him forever. Meanwhile, Klaus turns Roger's bar into a neighborhood corner store and becomes paranoid over shoplifters coming in and stealing his merchandise.

When Francine is chosen to be Pearl Bailey High's newest guidance counselor (after the old one fell in love with and ran off with a sophomore), she falls in with a trio of mean girls known as "The Golden Girls". Meanwhile, Jeff has a mental breakdown when his favorite hat goes missing.

Sick of being made fun of for quitting all the hobbies she set out to do, Francine takes up bodybuilding -- and ends up in a coma after pulling off a dangerous move at a bodybuilders' beauty pageant. Meanwhile, Klaus tries to prove he invented the high-five after a famous athlete is cited as the original creator on an IFC documentary.

Stan pushes Jeff (who is worried that he has no identity outside of being a lazy, pot-smoking hippie) into becoming part of Guy Fieri's entourage. Meanwhile, Klaus and Roger are mistaken for valets.

In the 250th episode, Stan takes over for Roger's personas when Roger is laid up with a brain tumor, and ends up causing a gang war when one of his personas fails to visit a rollerskate repair shop.

The Smiths go on a lake trip, where Stan and Steve square off against Snot and his new father figure, Tuttle. Meanwhile, Roger poses as a cycling group leader, Klaus gets swallowed by a legendary fish, and Hayley and Francine push the limit on how long they can sunbathe.

While watching online videos, Steve, Roger, and Klaus stumble upon an old commercial for Pizza Overlord featuring Steve (with Roger as his stunt double), prompting Steve and Roger to restart their careers as twin actors, but Steve ends up the big star when it becomes apparent that Roger is a terrible actor. Meanwhile, the rest of the family become addicted to shopping at Spencer's Gifts after Stan gets run over by a driver and the driver gives him the store's credit card by mistake.

Tired of living under Stan's opprobrious authority, Steve and Roger run away from home and end up enrolled in an all-girls' school, where Steve's life begins to feel like a cheesy 1980s sitcom spin-off. Meanwhile, the Smiths have to put up with new characters (such as a vulnerable, yet spunky Punky Brewster-esque orphan and John Michael Heaton, Stan's previously-unknown, long-lost British cousin) living in their house as a replacement for Steve and Roger.

Stan creates a home security system after a neighborhood break-in has Francine nervous. Meanwhile, Steve takes a college course and tries Hayley's laid-back approach to studying.

Jeff gets into dog-racing and leaves Hayley out in the cold...until she begins training Roger as a race dog. Meanwhile, Klaus gets into riding the mechanical rabbit and teasing the greyhounds at the track, Stan and Francine make themselves at home at the track after losing their money, and Steve takes advantage of being the only one in the house.

Stan and Francine go to a lovers' retreat after Barry (Steve's fat friend) sees their passive-aggressive sniping as a sign that their marriage has fallen on hard times. Meanwhile, Steve, Hayley, Klaus, and Roger enter a jingle-writing contest for Pizza Overlord.