Wikipedia:Wikipedihol
Wikipedia:Wikipedihol
Wikipedihol (also known as Wikipedine, methylwikipedine, and diacetylwikipedine (MWD, DWD), sold as Wikidone in its various forms, some being drugs, some being alcohol) is a drug that triggers the addiction part of the human brain, tampering with the user's mental fabric, decision-making and thought-process causing Wikipedia-centric thoughts. Much like prescribed medicines, it has variations in strength; for the light-hearted there are 25wg (wikigram) tablets, ranging up to 500wg tablets for thrill-seekers, in 25wg increments. Wikipedihol has been known to make people lose all rationality and logicality in their decision-making and thought-process and clear backlogs at 2:00 AM. Wikipediholic is the demonym prescribed to those afflicted.
 | This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously. |
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| Clinical data | |
|---|---|
| Other names | 1,4-triacetylwikipedic acid, Wikipediahol (BAN UK), Wikipediahol (USAN US) |
| Routes of administration | in presence of electronic device |
| Pharmacokinetic data | |
| Elimination half-life | 10-14 hours |
| Excretion | via editing |
| Identifiers | |
| |
| PubChem CID | |
| Chemical and physical data | |
| Formula | W(IK)IP2(EuDyI)Ac |
| Molar mass | 1176 g/mol |
| Density | 1.39 g/cm3 |
| Melting point | −114 °C (−173 °F) |
| Boiling point | 79 °C (174 °F) |
| Solubility in water | 3 mg/mL (20 °C) |
Due to the danger of Wikipedihol consumption, it is currently a prescription-only medicine. If you are interested in this medication, visit your local general practice or general practitioner to receive a prescription. It is available from your local pharmacy, as a tablet, capsule or syrup. N.B.: Doses above 200 wg require a prescription from a specialist doctor.
It has been recently discovered that users of Wikipedihol (in certain subsects) have resorted to crushing tablets of the drug, and snorting them via a hollowed Wikipedia pen, to effectively double the amount of direct information delivered to the cerebrum.
If you have a sudden urge to edit this ttypo, you may be on Wikipedihol.
Why take Wikipedihol?
The users of Wikipedihol are comparable to those of the flower child generation who smoked cannabis. As the "hippies" smoked weed to achieve happiness, people take Wikipedihol for self-satisfaction about the appearance and content of Wikipedia pages after editing. Who among you can announce that they cleared an entire backlog at 2:00 a.m. in the morning?
- You take the Wikipediholic's test to see how much of a Wikipediholic you are.
- You turn from a reader to a writer.
- You check your watchlist and talk page more than your email inbox.
- You procrastinate things that have been important in your life.
- You realize you are editing pages on a Sunday night.
- You talk about Wikipedia frequently in daily life.
- You have conversations with your sock puppet on the talk pages (This is against Wikipedia rules).
- Your best friend is your sock puppet (Also against Wikipedia rules).
- Upon hearing the term "alcoholic", you catch yourself clarifying it to a complete stranger "Oh, you mean like a Wikipediholic only with alcohol".
- Whenever your web-browser is closed, you feel a large sense of communal absence.
- You have an account with one or more other Wikipedias or other Wikimedia projects.
- You accidentally sign emails with four tildes, try to italicize with apostrophes, etc.
- You try to edit your sent items on your email account, thinking that they can be updated.
- You regularly write "[citation needed]" in the margin of any book you are reading.[citation needed]
- When you try to explain something, you have an urge to add wikilinks with "[[]]".
- You get confused when you can't find the little blue edit markers on books and magazines.
- You accidentally say "Does this spot on my hat look notable?"
- You have dreams about an anthropomorphic Wikipedia.
- If so much as one thing you don't know comes across your mind, you bolt for the nearest computer to see if Wikipedia has a page on it.
- If it does, you drop whatever you were doing before the urge took you and edit the page obsessively, whether you know the topic or not.
- If it does not, you obsessively check every single paper encyclopedia you have and search six different search engines for information on the subject. Then you proceed to write three screens worth on the topic and create an article on it, which probably will never be seen or thought about by another being in a thousand years.
- You start playing WikiLadders - the game where you open two random articles and try to get from the first to the second using only the links in the first and subsequent articles...
- ...and then go back to try and do it again using fewer links.
- You try editing magazines.
- You skip an important date to look up references for an article on a subject you'd never even heard of before you discovered Wikipedia.
- You turn up late for work and bleary-eyed after a particularly aggressive XfD (and you know what XfD means because you've looked it up already.)
- Your state/provincial/national reference librarians know you by first name.
- You add Wiki to most words in real life, and have sent letters to the Oxford University Press demanding that "wiki" be added as an official prefix.
- Some Wikipediholics say this prayer before beginning a day long chain of edits.
WikiPrayer
- God, grant me the serenity to accept the pages I cannot edit,
- The courage to edit the pages I can,
- And the wisdom to know the difference.
- (, adapted from The Serenity Prayer. See also: Wikipedia:The Wikipedian's Prayer)
The Subterranean WikiPrayer Revisited, Nos. 5 and 36
- Johnny edits the Main Page
- I re-write the Stone Age
- Napoleon and Shakespeare dress like a light bulb
- We'll be here all night – refresh the same page
Motto
- One edit is too many and a thousand is never enough.
The 12 steps of recovery for Wikipediholics
- We admitted we were powerless over Wikipedia; that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that an Author of Knowledge greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our obsession for editing and article creation over to the care of The Author of Knowledge as we understood Them.
- Made a searching and fearless knowledge inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to the Author of Knowledge, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our factual mistakes and gaps.
- Were entirely ready to have the Author of Knowledge remove all these factual defects.
- Humbly asked Them to remove our shortcomings by motivating us to be diligent in our research and study.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed by spreading unverified rumors, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal knowledge inventories and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the Author of Knowledge, as we understood Them, praying only for knowledge of Their will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Wikipediholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Those wishing to get rid of the habit, may wish to check themselves in the Clinic. Those who are sick of all these jokes and just want to talk to someone may wish to check the talk page.
With all due reverence and respect to those who suffer from genuine addictions and have found relief and recovery through twelve-step programs, and equal respect for those who have tried and failed to do the same thing.
Wikipediholism, as it is known, comes in many stages. These are as listed at the page for Wikipediholism.
Risk factors
Those who are the most at risk for catching the disease are those who have created an account, have access to a computer constantly and consistently, and who like the idea of a wiki. Those with Editcountitis may have elevated risk factors, as do hackers, Linux users, and Firefox enthusiasts (because of their exposure to open source technology).
Early stages
The patient finds that they "like" Wikipedia. They use the Main Page as a bookmark and consults the articles for information. The patient contributes to articles that they find lacking. They learn basic wiki markup. The patient can, however, give up now and cure themselves.
Middle stages
The patient uses the Main Page or their watchlist as bookmarks and their homepage. They reduce other online activities. The patient may join a WikiProject and contribute heavily to articles, as well as try editing outside the article and talk namespaces. They learn basic HTML and advanced wiki markup. The patient requests to become an Administrator, and proudly shows off their barnstars. Most refuse cures, which are still available.
Late stages
The patient uses their watchlist as their homepage. They may also explore the Recent changes. The patient reduces other "real world" activities. They may join multiple WikiProjects and contribute very heavily to many articles, as well as trying to edit heavily outside the article and talk namespaces. The patient learns advanced HTML and master wiki markup. They become an Administrator. The patient may use third party software to edit Wikipedia, and accumulate many barnstars. The thought comes to them, while reading this page, "this isn't funny; my contributions to Wikipedia are extremely important". Cures become scarce.
Terminal stages
The patient uses the Recent changes as their homepage and identifies as a Recent changes patroller. They reduce all other activities besides those relating to "real world" health and Wikipedia (and sometimes endanger the former). The patient joins multiple WikiProjects and contributes very heavily to many articles, as well as to the core of running Wikipedia. They master HTML and rewrite the Manual of style. The patient requests to be a Bureaucrat. They shun third party software, preferring the "raw" Wikipedia experience. The patient has so many barnstars that they take them off their userpage because they take up too much room and place them in a subpage of their userpage. Extreme denial may result, and cure is almost impossible.
Organ Failure
If Wikipedihol is in the body for an extended period of time, when removed, it causes the section of the brain that causes happiness to fail partially or completely. A transplant from another Wikipedian is necessary for normal behavior in society.
For those who see no end to or choose not to end their Wikipediholism, they may choose to join the Department of Fun to keep things interesting. Also, keep an eye out for more Wikitivities. For instance, writing songs like the parody Hotel Wikipedia and Staying Alive as laments of despair over lost and ruined lives.
You might also want to try a cure of wikipatch. In case of an "OMG" dire emergency and should all else fail, consider checking into the Clinic for Wikipediholics.
You might join troll organizations, but you will probably find very little solace there, since trolls have poor social support for each other, and they are still stuck here like the rest of us.
Perhaps the most effective solution of all is to embrace your wikipediholism, accept it as part of your identity, and cherish it. Don't just admit it - brag about it! And if others call you a wikipediholic, take that as a compliment. If they call you a troll, and they will, so what? Spread your Wikipediholism! It is only a good thing! We're all trolls here: Eventually.