When Stewie is diagnosed with ADHD, he receives a prescription for ADHD meds. Brian, who initially protests against kids freely being put on ADHD medication regardless of whether or not they have the condition, soon learns of the pills' productive benefits and uses them to write a book proposal to author George R. R. Martin. Meanwhile, Peter and Quagmire compete against one another to decide who gets to keep their own cooking show.

Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire set out to find Joe's estranged father (voiced by Ed O'Neill), when Father's Day approaches. However, when they learn that Joe's father hates handicapped people, Peter volunteers to pretend to be Joe. Meanwhile, Stewie befriends a tiny Tom Cruise when he is disappointed to learn that he will grow up to be 5'1".

Stewie builds himself a new robot friend after he and Brian get themselves into a fight. Meanwhile, Lois forces Peter to buy a new mattress.

Disappointed at the theater by a horror sequel, Peter and the guys decide they can make a better horror movie. They sneak into an abandoned asylum for inspiration. However, they accidentally murder a man and attempt to blame it on someone else. Meanwhile, Brian acts more pretentious wearing glasses, which Stewie vows to destroy. He eventually resorts to violence and smashes them off Brian's face with a baseball bat.

Peter finds an old video tape, when returning to his mother's old house to retrieve his porn collection. When he views the video tape, he realizes that he is a failure. Because of this, Peter forces Chris to spend time with Brian, so he doesn't turn out a failure as well.

When Peter's estranged sister, Karen, who is a wrestler, comes to visit for Thanksgiving, Meg finds that Karen is a bully who abuses Peter the same way he abuses her. Peter decides to become a female wrestler in order to defeat his sister in the ring.

Quagmire discusses with Ida that he is in love with Lois, during an accidental pocket dial to Peter. Peter becomes furious with Quagmire over this, which results in Lois attempting to resolve the situation.

When Peter and the guys decide to run with the bulls, Joe is injured during the run and becomes a quadriplegic. Meanwhile, Brian sleeps with a woman, who is married to a Navy SEAL who is still bitter over not being credited for killing Osama bin Laden. In order to avoid the ire of her husband, he pretends to be their new dog.

Due to Peter's couch being stolen from his lawn, he forms a neighborhood watch group. While on duty, Peter accidentally shoots Cleveland Jr. and is immediately arrested for a hate crime and branded a racist when he accidentally burns Cleveland's lawn and witnesses misinterpret his cries for help as a slur against him. When Peter apologizes to Cleveland, Cleveland voluntarily takes the blame for the crime.

When Peter and the guys find out that Quagmire starred in a Korean soap opera, they set out to find the final tape of the series. Unable to do so, they travel to South Korea in order to find it. When they arrive in Korea, Quagmire ends up falling in love with his co-star/former lover, Sujin.

After the Griffin family's bank account begins to run dry, Peter and Lois have Stewie star in a peanut butter commercial. Peter and Lois soon start getting hooked on making Stewie a child star, which causes Brian to be concerned about their motives.

Peter and Carter go to Africa to get their money back after they are swindled in an e-mail scam. Meanwhile, Brian pursues Meg's friend, Patty after finding out she has a surprisingly hot body.^[17]

Note: Meg shows herself to be considerably hypocritical and inappropriately moralistic (if not even ageist) in this episode, because she tells Brian just at first to stop hitting on Patty because "it's gross, stop it" and "she's 18" (so adult and perfectly legal according to Rhode Island's law, and even the same exact age as Meg), but she didn't use the same argument when Lois hit on and kissed one previous Meg's boyfriend or when Quagmire hit on Meg's friends numerous times, or even when Taylor Swift dated her brother Chris (a barely pubescent boy), not to mention that Meg dated Mayor West more than once, Quagmire, the Super Friends announcer, Seamus, Bruce (even almost getting married with this latter), and even sexually harassed Brian, Joe, Bonnie and Santa Claus. And the list goes on. However, it could have been just an excuse not to risk to be separated from Patty and lose her as a friend as she states she fears at the end of the episode. The side story involving Meg and Brian and their portrayal and characterization in this episode is in fact the main reason for its negative criticism and for being one of the lowest rated episodes of Family Guy by either critics and audiences/fans.^[18]

When Peter overloads his phone with apps, he gets a new one and gives the old one to Chris, ending with him becoming a registered sex offender when he sends a picture of his penis to a girl; meanwhile, Brian and Stewie join a tennis club.

Thanks to dog years, Brian is the only one old enough to drink when Mayor West raises the drinking age to 50 following Peter's latest drunken rampage, so Peter makes Brian buy his beer.

Peter turns the attic into a man cave when Stewie begins to have nightmares, (with one of them being about messing up his line in the theme song), and refuses to sleep in his own bed, so he builds a device for Brian to go into his dreams and help him face his fears.

Brian kisses Bonnie during her 46th birthday party and she (briefly) leaves Joe. Meanwhile, Meg starts stealing from a retirement home after the residents she volunteered to help mistreat her.

Lois takes a job as a postal worker to pay for Stewie's private school, and discovers a letter Peter wrote to an old girlfriend, who tries to come between them. Meanwhile, Stewie befriends a fellow student named Chadley and enlists Brian to help impress him.

Peter ends up getting lost in the Quahog Mall overnight after his family abandons him. Meanwhile, Brian attempts to win over a girl by pretending to be a millionaire.

Chris gets elected homecoming king, but Meg discovers that the cool kids only voted for him in order to prank him. Meanwhile, Peter and the gang get jealous when Cleveland starts hanging out with Jerome, so they try to get him back.

Brian and Stewie go to India to find a tech support worker with whom Brian has fallen in love. Meanwhile, Peter becomes the center of attention when Joe invites him to bingo night.